The Power of Two

Today, I had the joy of having lunch with an amazing woman. Honestly, I could sit and listen to her for hours. Her story is amazing, and when listening to her, I can truly see a miracle that God has worked. The awesome thing is that she gives no credit to herself or anyone else for that matter. All of the change in her life is accredited to Christ. One of the things that we talked about was the true nature of the church. Was the church created to be so legalistic to the point where certain sins seem to be unforgivable? If they are forgivable, it takes a while for the church to forgive and it usually happens after things have died down with the situation. One thing that she brought up was the importance of having someone that we can just be real with. How are we going to experience growth and change if we cannot be real with anyone? We then are continuing to live in the dark and hiding our sinful nature from those around us. As long as those things are in the dark, we are going to continue in them. This brought up the idea of the power of two. When there are two people who are able to experience life together and be real with one another, we can see growth. Of course, it is really what we make it, but we can get a lot from these relationships if we choose to make the most of it. Rather than hiding and not being open, I can choose to be open and real and allow a change to be worked in my life.

From the Mind, to the Heart, to the Hands

As I have been looking back over this semester and how things have changed for me, I began to wonder how and why they have changed. Before, I always thought that if I wanted to change something or stop doing something, I would simply focus on the behavior and trying to stop it. After thinking about this, I realized that focusing on the behavior really isn't going to change something. When we begin to start in something, the act begins in the mind. We think about the act and why we want to do it, and then we decide to act. After a while, this behavior becomes a part of our life and really can reflect the state of our heart. The things that we desire at times are the things that are closest to our hearts. So rather than focusing on the behavior and what I am actually doing, why not focus on my state of mind and the state of my heart? What does my behavior say about my heart? This process showed me so many different things that need changed again, and it also showed me where my heart truly is. It is so easy to full ourselves into thinking that our hearts are pure, but are they really? We may act in a way to cover up the true state of our hearts, but the hidden behaviors and the things that we do that we want no one to see will someday surface. Today I am choosing to look at these areas rather than living in the dark.

In His Image

So far this week (and yes, I realize that it is only Tuesday), I have experienced some pretty stressful situations. At first, I had to hold back my tears as I realized that things were not going as planned. Then, I realized that I was reacting in such an immature way. How selfish am I to be so concerned about how everything was affecting me when in reality, I needed to adjust and turn to God. As I began to pray and think about everything that was going on, the conclusion that I continuously came to was this: you are made in MY image. A few words, but words that mean so much. If I am to be the image of Christ, how should I respond to situations? Should I lash out and take all of my anger out on the other person? Or, should I show them compassion and understanding, but at the same time, setting boundaries and loving the other person? The latter answer was the one that kept coming to my mind. It occurred to me that all of this went beyond forgiveness as well. It was more than just forgiving other people and giving second chances. It came down to whether or not my actions would match my beliefs. If we are not Christ to those around us, then how can we expect Christ to work through us and permeate our every being? Today, I want to follow in His steps and radiate His image.

Living in the Now

These past few weeks have been some of the longest weeks that I have gone through. I am so thankful that they are over, but also thankful for the many lessons that I have learned and experienced. Throughout these past few weeks, I was living for the future, and sometimes even living in the past. There were so many times where I questioned "what if I would have..." or "what am I going to do...". Looking back, these are things that I am not proud of. The mess that I created and that consumed my life is not something that I want to happen ever again. But isn't that what our lives are? Complete messes that we get ourselves into, and then God miraculously works things out for His glory? At the end of last week, I had someone tell me that even though things have calmed down, I needed to see how I could use this experience and grow from it. I was so focused on the mess itself that I ignored that it could be a lesson that I could learn from. Today I was reminded of this same truth. No matter what we are going through or what life is for us, God has a purpose and we can choose to live in His will and purpose, or we can choose to view it negatively and just strive to get by. I don't want to be that person. Instead of focusing on the mistakes that were made and the mess that I was in, I can choose to allow God to use that situation to open my eyes and learn from it. Right now, I want to live in the now and allow Him to work all things for His purpose. Here's to a new beginning and moving forward rather remaining stuck in the past.

Unconditional Love

So often, we search for someone to love us no matter what we do. No matter how badly we screw up, we want this person to always be there and accept us. Let's be honest, this is hard to find in life. No matter what, people are going to have their opinions. The choices that we make are going to affect those around us. Recently, I was having a conversation with someone about how we so often try to find these people that are going to accept us. The person that I was having this conversation with is someone that I would consider a great support and someone who loves unconditionally, even if it does hurt her. One thing that she reminded me of was that we are to be imitators of Christ. This is something that can be so difficult to live out. If we want to be imitators of Christ, it means that we also need to try to love like He loves. This can be very difficult. When we are wronged my someone else, we want to run away and never look back. If we choose to love that person no matter what, we put ourselves at risk of being hurt by them again. Regardless, I want to follow Christ and choose to love like He has loved. Today, I want to choose to love those who are most difficult to love.

Guilt or Remorse?

When we do something wrong and want to turn back to God, are we doing it because of the consequences, or are we doing it because of our genuine remorse and concern for our relationship with Christ? I was pondering this tonight as I was thinking about my own relationship with Christ. I notice that there are times where I will drift away or choose to slide away because what I am doing or thinking does not match up with my relationship with Christ. When there is that dissonance, the easiest thing for us to do is to give one of the two things up. Most of the time, when we are in sin, we are not wanting to give it out. So, we will find that it is much easier to walk away from Christ than to give up the one sin that we are holding so tightly to. Let's be honest, the sin that we are in is obviously something that we enjoy and want to hold on it, otherwise we wouldn't really be struggling with it. But, why do we allow that sin to have much more power over us than what Christ does? I think that this is a question that I will be asking myself for the rest of my life. But, I do know that I want to have more of a remorseful response to my sin rather than a guilty one. Why? Because I want to get to a place where wanting to change isn't just about avoiding the consequences, but about deepening my relationship with Christ.

You Are More

I am often guilty of letting my past mistakes define who I currently am. When it comes to forgiveness, I think that I can offer it to other people without doubting myself, but I cannot do this when it comes to forgiving myself. I am also someone who sometimes allows other people to define who I am. I am not saying that I base who I am off of labels that are given to me, but I will easily do something if I know that it is something that someone else wants me to do. This is something that has improved in my life, but is definitely an area that needs work. I digress. Point of saying all of this: we are more than our past. Yes, our past is a part of us and we cannot go back and change decisions that we made or didn't make. But, we have a choice as to how much we allow our past to control who we are today. I can choose to allow the mistakes that I made as a teenager to determine who I am today, or I can allow those experiences to help me make better decisions in the present. Rather than allowing myself to be so consumed with my past and inhibiting myself from current personal growth, I can choose to move forward and live life in the present. Today, I am choosing to take things from the past that I can grow and learn from rather than letting my past control who I am today.

Not Everything Is Lost

When something bad happens or we feel as if we are in crisis mode, we can so often think that it is the end of the world and that there is no hope for the future. I am not talking about when we break a nail right before a date and we think that the world is ending. I am talking about those things in our lives that change things. For example, we may apply to a school and only apply to that school, then receive a letter of rejection. Now what? Or, what about when we bank on working on a paper two hours before it is due and our computer dies? Things don't always go as planned. Whether they be major life events or minor road blocks, they effect us. I am slowly learning that my plans are not my own. Let's be honest. If you were to ask me when I was 18 where I thought I would be 5 years later, my answer would not be where I am currently. My plans have changed drastically, and they are constantly changing. One thing, however, has not changed. God is still God. He is still on the throne. Although I may not be living the life as a millionaire in Vegas (okay, that is not really what I had in mind for my future, but it does sound rather appealing), He is still in control. Although my plans are not His, I do have a blessed assurance that His plan is a great one. It may not be what I had planned or even what I want right now, but I have to hold on to the fact that my life is HIS, not my own. My life plan is HIS, not my own. In the midst of crisis, not everything is lost.

Carry My Cross

So many times we hear in worship songs and sermons that we must take up our cross and follow Jesus. What does it mean for us to take up our cross? As I was thinking about this tonight, I came to the realization that it is much more than having faith or facing persecution. In the song at chapel tonight, the song basically was saying "take up my cross, and You lead, Lord". To me, that opened up a whole new meaning of what it means to take up my cross. It means no matter what is going on, no matter what burden or crisis is going on around me, I can still choose to follow with faith. Just because things are not going the greatest or life seems to be spinning in circles around me, I can still follow Christ. When everything feels shaken and out of control, I know that my God is in control. Why would I want to choose to lead when I know that the only stable thing in this life is Him? Taking up my cross and following Christ is more than just my believing. It means allowing Christ to take the lead and I follow. He is the one who I can rely on. No matter how out of control I may feel or how burdened I may be, I can still rely on Christ as my solid foundation. To that, I believe no matter how heavy my cross, I need to let Him lead.

Benefits of the Past

We are always told not to dwell on the past. There are even Bible passages that tell us that even God forgets our past. Psalm 103 states that as far as the east is from the west, so has the Lord removed our transgressions. But, why can't we benefit from the past? I am not saying that we continuously turn and dwell on our past mistakes and negative experiences, but I think that these things can be beneficial to our growth. How can we grow and learn from experiences if we do not reflect on them? If we do not reflect on them or process them, we may not see the things that we need to work on. It is one thing to realize that we have sinned or that we have messed up, but I think that there are sometimes more underlying issues behind things that need to be looked at. Why ignore the past if those underlying things are going to be things that help us to grow? Of course, there may be pain involved and it may be an experience that we don't want to work through, but the outcome could be beneficial. I think we face trouble when we find ourselves dwelling on the negative things of the past and the things that we did wrong. We can move on once we are able to learn from the experience. And, learning experiences are a process. Sometimes we may reflect back on something from 10 years before and be able to learn from the experience. Today, I am going to embrace the past as a learning experience rather than choosing to run and hide from it.

Helper to the Victims

Last evening, I came across Psalm 10 as I was reading through the Psalms. In my Bible before each Psalm, there is a theme listed that sort of summarizes what the Psalm is about. The theme for Psalm 10 states, "Why do the wicked succeed? Although God may seem to be hidden at times, we can be assured that he is aware of every injustice." The verse that really stuck out to me was the second part of verse 14. It states, "The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless." How many times in our lives do we turn to self pity or revenge when we are the victim of an injustice rather than turning to God? It is so much easier to hold on to our anger, our hurt, our shame, or our guilt than to completely give it over to God. Why? Why would we hold onto all of these exhausting emotions when we have reassurance that our God is the fatherless to the victims? When we cry out to Him, He will help us. This verse doesn't just say that we should turn things over to Him, but to commit ourselves to Him. Committing ourselves to Him means to hand the situation over, don't try and take it back, and allow Him to work healing through us. He is our helper. Today, I am choosing to commit myself to Him and allow Him to work healing in any injustices that have happened in life. And this doesn't just mean the huge injustices, but even the small things in life that are irritating to us.

Ruth

Currently, I am reading the Lineage of Grace series by Francine Rivers, and it is taking me a while to get through it. School work interferes, but that's okay. The story that I am reading now is the story of Ruth and how she remained true to Naomi even in the toughest of times. When Ruth and Naomi made it home, the Jewish people treated Ruth awfully. This did not discourage Ruth. Rather than leaving and going back to her parents where she could live comfortably, she joined Naomi and lived in a cave. Rather than prostituting herself for money, which would have been the easy way out, she chose to humble herself and work in the fields. Before actually finding work, she was disgraced and pushed away by many field workers. She was finally accepted, and was able to work. When they first returned to Naomi's home, Passover was just beginning. Ruth and Naomi barely had any money. Rather than saving their money, Ruth spent all of it in order to honor God through celebrating Passover. Why can't I be like that? Rather than worrying about tomorrow and how I will provide, why don't I trust in God to provide for me? My life isn't nearly as difficult as it was for Ruth, and yet Ruth's attitude is nothing like mine. Today, I am going to choose to focus on the attitude that Ruth had and strive to have a Ruth-like faith.

Blessed

Sometimes, I think we can become so wrapped up in our own lives that we neglect to see how blessed we truly are. Even in the midst of a giant storm, there are blessings. Today, it came to my attention how broken this world truly is. I am not saying that I didn't know that it was broken before, but today presented itself with countless examples. Needless to say, praying without ceasing was not quite difficult today. As I look back on the different situations and the people that I encounter, I come to realize that I am being selfish when I neglect to pay attention to the blessings in my life. Things around me may be falling and I may feel as if everything is out of control, but there are still blessings in my life that I need to be grateful for. Rather than focusing on all of the negatives that are surrounding me, I can choose to focus on the positives as well. I am not saying that I should completely ignore the bad things, because I think that denial is definitely an unhealthy mechanism, but I do thing that to dwell on these negatives is not beneficial. My challenge for the rest of the semester is to focus on 5 blessings each day. This doesn't mean just writing down 5 blessings in the morning and forgetting about them. It means going throughout my day and discovering different things that I am blessed with or thankful for. At the end of the day, I can look back on those things and praise Him for the life He has given me.

Relationships

Over the past few weeks, I have really thought about the relationships that I have in my life. Are they relationships that help to build me up, or are they ones that are only bringing me down? After thinking about this, the question of why we would want to be in relationship with people that would bring us down came to mind. I know that there are some people in my life that truly do bring me down. What purpose do they serve in my life? Obviously they serve some purpose or I wouldn't have them in my life. Of course, I am the type of person that really doesn't want to hurt others, so I probably would keep people around even if they were truly destructive to me. But that is beside the point. We were created as relational beings, so of course I am not promoting that we go and get rid of every relationship that has even been negative to us. We are all sinful beings, so no relationship is going to be perfect. But, it is important to realize who we are surrounding ourselves with and what we are consuming our time with. The people in our lives tend to have a lot of say in what we do. My encouragement is that we fill our lives with other believers who are constantly seeking to honor Christ in all that they do. This is definitely an area that I need to work on, and I am nowhere near to being remotely close to achieving this.